Finally a comeback

Yes, I am finally back on blogger.

My blog used to be a place for me to vent my anger or publish something that made me smile.

SO simply put I must be either sad or happy to post... Oh! well... my first comeback post is gonna be about my depressing thoughts.

Okay, 2015 is definitely a challenging year since I am about to graduate. The amount of work and content that I have to study is really making me tired. I can't study like I used to and also I lack discipline to go through it.

I am tired of sleeping at 3 to 4 am almost every night just because I wanna take a small nap or watch something I like before doing my work. I am sick of it. But at the same time, I feel happy and balanced that I get to play my games and watch anime at the cost of longer sleep... 

...Weird right?

And because of this schedule, every plans I made had been thrown out of the window. I cannot wake up early or should I say too tired to bother waking up to go to band on last Sat. I really wanted to play trombone. But because of this can't be bothered-cum-fatigue action of mine... No matter what I say now. It's been done. In addition, I forgot to inform my friend that I will meet him later that day. Huh, what kind of friend am I.

Furthermore, I forgot all my homework. And most of them are group work. SHIT ME SHIT ME SHIT ME SHIT ME. I feel like I'm losing control of everything. I feel like cutting. I feel like screaming in anger at everything. I feel like destroying something. 

Haiz, that's what I feel but not like I am gonna do any of it now.

Honestly, about friendships. I feel like somehow I don't know anything. But I guess that's why people call it a learning process. I am still learning it, maybe its hard but I guess I will make do with it. Friendships are very delicate, I just found out.

I don't think I have what it takes in me to sacrifice myself for friendships. But yes, I am learning now. It's pretty amazing in some ways how friendships change the way we go through our lives.

If you honestly ask me now, I do not know. Thanks for telling me all of that. I can't really reply to you. Cause I really don't know what to say. Yes, we can be friends though :)

I claim that I am not open with people, but honestly, I do not have anything within me. Sure I have problems and everything but I am an empty person. Always been that and will be. I have nothing but weightless thoughts in my head. 

Well enough of depressing thoughts.