Finally a comeback

Yes, I am finally back on blogger.

My blog used to be a place for me to vent my anger or publish something that made me smile.

SO simply put I must be either sad or happy to post... Oh! well... my first comeback post is gonna be about my depressing thoughts.

Okay, 2015 is definitely a challenging year since I am about to graduate. The amount of work and content that I have to study is really making me tired. I can't study like I used to and also I lack discipline to go through it.

I am tired of sleeping at 3 to 4 am almost every night just because I wanna take a small nap or watch something I like before doing my work. I am sick of it. But at the same time, I feel happy and balanced that I get to play my games and watch anime at the cost of longer sleep... 

...Weird right?

And because of this schedule, every plans I made had been thrown out of the window. I cannot wake up early or should I say too tired to bother waking up to go to band on last Sat. I really wanted to play trombone. But because of this can't be bothered-cum-fatigue action of mine... No matter what I say now. It's been done. In addition, I forgot to inform my friend that I will meet him later that day. Huh, what kind of friend am I.

Furthermore, I forgot all my homework. And most of them are group work. SHIT ME SHIT ME SHIT ME SHIT ME. I feel like I'm losing control of everything. I feel like cutting. I feel like screaming in anger at everything. I feel like destroying something. 

Haiz, that's what I feel but not like I am gonna do any of it now.

Honestly, about friendships. I feel like somehow I don't know anything. But I guess that's why people call it a learning process. I am still learning it, maybe its hard but I guess I will make do with it. Friendships are very delicate, I just found out.

I don't think I have what it takes in me to sacrifice myself for friendships. But yes, I am learning now. It's pretty amazing in some ways how friendships change the way we go through our lives.

If you honestly ask me now, I do not know. Thanks for telling me all of that. I can't really reply to you. Cause I really don't know what to say. Yes, we can be friends though :)

I claim that I am not open with people, but honestly, I do not have anything within me. Sure I have problems and everything but I am an empty person. Always been that and will be. I have nothing but weightless thoughts in my head. 

Well enough of depressing thoughts. 

Hi~~

I'm back with new updates on my life (actually not so much on my life but what I like to do)

Firstly, I'm hooked on anime and manga. Oh well, everyone knows that... And I'm watching the new and the old ones everyday.

Secondly, I'm very tired to the point I kinda cannot concentrate at class

Thirdly, I really have no updates. But!!!

Sasuke is back in Naruto!!! I shall watch and read Naruto from now on!!!

The long awaited reunion is here XDXDXD

So happy!!!!

Anyways, school is kinda uneventful now. Only thing coming up is tests -.- No surprise there. 

Haiz I shall work my ass off this semester and bring up my GPA!!!

Gambatte kudasai minna-san!!! XD

I'm back again!~

Long time no see~~~ Lol

Anyways, I don't really have anything to update about except that I changed my blog skin and theme. This time it's about anime. All the anime I have been currently or finished watching them. I love anime~^^

<3

I'm back from a long hiatus again~

This time I'm blogging bout my 18th bdae^^ Whoops~! The long awaited blog post that Ah ma has been waiting for :)

Let's start out by saying that Amelia was late, supposedly meeting at Amk hub to celebrate my bdae. & she started telling me only she could make it. The rest had smth on... Ting Wei was too lazy to go out. Shimin was apparently pissed off that I couldn't go with her to Huayi's syf on Monday cos of work. So basically no one except for Ah ma didn't come. Well, I was ok but a little sian cos of it. Then suddenly when we reach the garden at second floor, Ah ma asked me to close my eyes and she led me ( I feared for my life that I will bang onto smth as Ah Ma doesn't have the best directions in the world) to this pavilion ( I think its called that or a gazebo) then, allowed me to open my eyes. Lets say I was damn shocked to see a board with all my photos with my friends posted on it and letters too. Well too shocked to notice some people sneaking up on me and suddenly popped at me. I screamed like a pansy... -.-

Hahas, well.. I was damn surprised to see Shimin & Tingwei behind me... And they even roped my brother into it.

What a birthday surprise... Hahas the best I received in my whole life! XD

Well, I loved every moment of it except for the cake bashing part by Amelia and Shimin -.-

Hahas Ting Wei was laughing the whole way... Thanks! ><

And of course the presents~

I received a lego giant panda from Ting Wei. So cute~~~~!!! And a happy birthday letter from her too with cute Ting Wei-ish drawings~ Thanks so much~!

From Shimin was a I love London bag. Hahas I like it a lot, well partly cause I love London and it's my dream to go there. Thanks to Harry Potter XD

From Ah ma, today I just received the eevee evolutions of Umbreon, Flareon, Glaceon and Leafeon. XDXDXDXDXD I <3 THEM 

From Sheryl, I received a DIY pillow with Kuori on it. Hahas so cute!!! XDXD

Thanks eveyone^^ It was a very memorable bdae party XDXD  

Yes! Im finally updating!!! XD

Hahas on hiatus again :)

Well i have an excuse now... I'm working :) As a hotel banquet server under a job agancy.

I had worked at Regent and Ritz Carlton Hotel. Both have very different environment. Well every place has its flaws anyway *shrug*

Banquet job is kinda fun but it sucks with bad supervisors, the ones at Regent are nicer then the ones in Ritz... -.-

And in this job, I have Vincent and Wei Kioong with me. (Oops i forgot how to spell his name =P)

So it makes everything less awkward there, with so many foreigners there...

Oh gosh I can't believe my luck... My first day of work already kana banquet event, then I had to immediately set up tables, chairs, cutleries, bowls and the decorations. I ran like mad T.T from one place to another just to set up the banquet hall. My feet ached only one hour after my work commences...

But the good thing that happen on that day was that I was allowed to eat the food at the banquet, where I sat at one of the tables I helped to set and ate. Their satay is damn nice^^

After that I had to help set up a morning exhibition. And seriously its more tiring cos have to carry the plates, cups, saucers and the decorations from the first to second floor, although having a cart to help ferry things around. Then after tat I had to set up at wedding hall... But this part is better as they allow me to take off my shoes and I was doing work barefooted. *grins*

But here comes the second day... Oh joy! A wedding dinner T.T  

Nth to say... Its horrible in the sense that your limbs will hurt a lot. And if any accidents occur... *shudders*

And these all occurs in Regent hotel last week, maybe tmr I will post my experience at Ritz Hotel :)

Yay~ I'm finally updating my blog.

On hiatus from it too long :)

So now I'm having holidays and this holiday is more special :)

I get to hang out with my old friends especially Crystal, Chee Han, Yi Lian, Shi Min and Ting Wei. XDXD

And this holidays is special cos I'm joining new activities like laser tag and jogging.

Just today, I went for badminton with Amelia and they all! :) Super fun and hilarious ><

Especially with Amelia and Shi Min trolling Chee Han during the whole session :)

Ting Wei came along and its so nice to see her again :)

Hmm... This holiday like always is a prefect opportunity to catch up to all the animes I had missed XD

Anime & Manga^^~

And also to play Pokemon XDXD

Talking about badminton reminds me of Jaejoong :)

He plays badminton, but he's not good in it. HAHAHAHAS!

Laughing at my bias but oh well~~~~

Oh yea laser tag is fun!!! I wanna play it again XDXD

Hahas long time never blog le.

Sian poly life sucks and sucks even more than my Sec 4 times.

-.-

Anyways I'm now writing on my poly life...

N complaining bout it...

Especially my poly friends.

Don't get me wrong, they are very nice. & I like them a lot but...

Sometimes I feel like a outcast whenever we group talk...

And it doesn't makes things better when I have friends from other clique like Vincent and Joey.

& I can communicate better with them. 

Amelia also told me once I had change. I still am a chatterbox now but now because of them I re-learning to bottle up my feelings.

I can't speak out... You understand my words here? Cos I don't know how to explain it.

They too. Never talk about what they don't like. Well except for our classmates. They don't like Vincent. They never talk about what they feel. Always silent. And very isolated from the class. Too isolated, I don't like it. I have friends there, you know. & sometimes I will tell them I need to do something just to escape from reality and avoid them. Nowadays I don't really hang out much with them. & I'm sure they notice it, well it's kinda obvious. I'm just surprised that they never confront it with me. 

Sometimes back then when I disappear from them, I would get calls  or messages. But it changed. That day, they never bother telling me that maths revision lecture started or where am I. So pissed off and hurt. But that changed to numbess. I told both Amelia & Vincent. They comforted me. Vincent understood so he made sure the next lecture on that day, he sat in between me & them. He saw that I was really pissed with them. So angry to the point I did not speak to them for the whole day, well more like ignoring their existence. Wait, except for Atiqa... I click well with her but we're not that close. & on that day she didn't come to school.

After a few weeks of hanging out with Vincent and Joey, I feel like I'm in a clique. They can understand me better than my so called poly clique I'm in. 

Now we frequently hang out with each other and whenever I come to them, they know it's cos I feel out again or left out by them in their conversation.

Going home with Vincent and Amelia ( depends on our schedule) together has become my daily routine

I feel that i'm just there for numbers sake not friends sake anymore. I can't communicate with them, now much worse... I feel that as though they don't acknowledge I'm there. ( sometimes only) Okay who am I kidding. I feel that now almost every time. Not that they purposely do it to me but I feel that it's majorly cos of our lack of common topic. I nowadays don't even chat with them. Except for Atiqa but if we are together then yea....

Just yesterday, I deliberately after my jap discussions with my group ( supposed to join my poly friends after that) but I went with Joey... Then i told her about my conflicted feelings, thank goodness she understands. She gave me a sad nod. Which was to me very encouraging as someone understands my feelings. Amelia too, as she's now having friendship problems. 

I don't know, I also don't want to think about it yet. Hahas trying to escape from reality here.

& I'm planning to have it this way until I can figure something out.