Hahas long time never blog le.

Sian poly life sucks and sucks even more than my Sec 4 times.

-.-

Anyways I'm now writing on my poly life...

N complaining bout it...

Especially my poly friends.

Don't get me wrong, they are very nice. & I like them a lot but...

Sometimes I feel like a outcast whenever we group talk...

And it doesn't makes things better when I have friends from other clique like Vincent and Joey.

& I can communicate better with them. 

Amelia also told me once I had change. I still am a chatterbox now but now because of them I re-learning to bottle up my feelings.

I can't speak out... You understand my words here? Cos I don't know how to explain it.

They too. Never talk about what they don't like. Well except for our classmates. They don't like Vincent. They never talk about what they feel. Always silent. And very isolated from the class. Too isolated, I don't like it. I have friends there, you know. & sometimes I will tell them I need to do something just to escape from reality and avoid them. Nowadays I don't really hang out much with them. & I'm sure they notice it, well it's kinda obvious. I'm just surprised that they never confront it with me. 

Sometimes back then when I disappear from them, I would get calls  or messages. But it changed. That day, they never bother telling me that maths revision lecture started or where am I. So pissed off and hurt. But that changed to numbess. I told both Amelia & Vincent. They comforted me. Vincent understood so he made sure the next lecture on that day, he sat in between me & them. He saw that I was really pissed with them. So angry to the point I did not speak to them for the whole day, well more like ignoring their existence. Wait, except for Atiqa... I click well with her but we're not that close. & on that day she didn't come to school.

After a few weeks of hanging out with Vincent and Joey, I feel like I'm in a clique. They can understand me better than my so called poly clique I'm in. 

Now we frequently hang out with each other and whenever I come to them, they know it's cos I feel out again or left out by them in their conversation.

Going home with Vincent and Amelia ( depends on our schedule) together has become my daily routine

I feel that i'm just there for numbers sake not friends sake anymore. I can't communicate with them, now much worse... I feel that as though they don't acknowledge I'm there. ( sometimes only) Okay who am I kidding. I feel that now almost every time. Not that they purposely do it to me but I feel that it's majorly cos of our lack of common topic. I nowadays don't even chat with them. Except for Atiqa but if we are together then yea....

Just yesterday, I deliberately after my jap discussions with my group ( supposed to join my poly friends after that) but I went with Joey... Then i told her about my conflicted feelings, thank goodness she understands. She gave me a sad nod. Which was to me very encouraging as someone understands my feelings. Amelia too, as she's now having friendship problems. 

I don't know, I also don't want to think about it yet. Hahas trying to escape from reality here.

& I'm planning to have it this way until I can figure something out.